Working Mom Guilt and How To Overcome It, Kind Of.

I’m going to be real here. The topic of Working Mom Guilt consumes my mind on a regular basis. It influences almost every decision I make, and it sends me over the edge when I feel I’m slacking in one area or the other.

Let me just give a little disclaimer here. All moms are working moms. Whether you’re a stay-at-home-mom, working full time in an office, part time, working from home… whatever. No matter what you’re doing day to day, if you’re a mom I know you’re busy as hell, and you’re killing it! In this post, however, I’m speaking mainly from my own experience, which is as a mom who works away from the home 40+ hours per week. It doesn’t feel good all of the time.

The Balancing Act

My kids are 2 and 1. They’re so young, and they’re growing and changing every single day. I have missed out on some of their firsts. I don’t know all of the kids they play with each week at daycare. They pick up little phrases and habits from adults other than their dad and me. I don’t know everything that went on with my kids each day when I pick them up. What made them laugh? Did they cry? Have they been nice to the other kids? All of those thoughts send me into a working mom guilt spiral once in a while.

As blessed as we are with amazing childcare (seriously we have the best of the best and the kids adore each one of their caretakers), it still breaks my heart from time to time knowing that I pay someone else to have those moments with my children. Is that a ridiculous thought to have? Do any of you other moms feel this way? Even writing this now, I’m battling with how raw I want to get with this wondering who will read it, and how it will be interpreted. I don’t want anyone to think I’m ungrateful for my job, my family, and all of our blessings.

No matter what you’re doing day to day, if you’re a mom I know you’re busy as hell, and you’re killing it!

Sometimes, thinking about how many hours I spend away from the kids throughout the work week keeps me from planning things with friends, unless the kids can go with me. I’m the one who shows up at all adult functions carrying a diaper bag full of snacks, 57 toys, and two toddlers trailing behind. My husband and I very, VERY rarely go out for date night. Neither of these things are ideal, but that’s what working mom guilt does to me. I’ve read on countless other blogs how important it is to make alone time with your spouse. Most of them recommend date night once per week. But how?!

We recently went on an adults-only trip and it nearly killed me. Yes, the alone time was nice and needed… but my son took his first steps while I was gone. The guilt! Can you imagine? My mama heart was shattered. As a working mama, I essentially get 3 hours per day throughout the work week to spend with my babies. And that’s not interrupted time. In those 3 hours, I still have to cook, clean, do our laundry, bathe the kids, pack lunches for the next day, and get them settled into their beds. When I break it down like that, it’s very unsettling. So when the weekend comes, you better believe I want to spend that time with my kids! No matter where we’re going, they’re coming too if it’s up to me.

Give Yourself Grace

I know I’m asking a lot of questions, and this is not a typical post for me. I usually like to be the mom with all the answers, but these feelings are a constant struggle. It’s not easy being everything to everyone, always at the top of your game while trying to be everywhere at the same time. Sometimes I’m not very kind to myself, and I need to work on giving myself grace. All of us moms need to be nicer to ourselves. So many of us are in the same sinking boat.

The main things that help me get by are 1) having good friends who are in similar situations, 2) talking about my feelings instead of bottling it up, and 3) soaking up every moment with my kids that I possibly can. I have several group chats with other moms, and that really helps me to know that I’m not alone in how I’ve been feeling. My Blog Lovely Little Storm gives me a platform to talk it out. And I’m constantly reminding myself to appreciate the little things when I’m with my two kids.

Make “Friend Dating” A Thing

If you’re trying to overcome your own Working Mom Guilt, I think it’s a great idea to put yourself out there and meet other mamas. Schedule playdates, even if you don’t know the other moms that well and you think it may be awkward, try it anyway!

Something I’m excited to start incorporating into my life as I get some free time is “friend dating”. It sounds silly, but I got this idea from Ali Manno Fedotowsky. She’s a former bachelorette who I’ve followed for years, and I heard her talking on a recent podcast about how she “friend dates” to meet other women like her. Much like how a person dates around to find a spouse, she does this to find meaningful friendships.

Want To Meet Up?

We all know how hard it can be to create bonds with other women around busy schedules. Honestly, it can be hard enough to keep up the relationships we already have. But I love this concept nonetheless, and I’m even toying around with the idea of hosting a Mom’s Mixer & Playdate in the near future. If you live near western KY and that sounds like something you’d be interested in attending, please comment, DM me or reach out via my Contact Page to let me know. I would love to create an event, or even a reoccurring group meet-up, that could result in countless new friendships (for the kids and for us moms)!

Working mom guilt sucks, and it’s kept me from doing so many things that I know I’d enjoy. But maybe if we stop painting on fake smiles 24/7 and pretending everything is perfect and easy, we’d realize that we’re not alone in our feelings. Other mamas are experiencing many of the same stressors, doubts, and worries. A lot of us are constantly being pulled in ten different directions, and feeling less than our best selves pretty regularly. We all feel the pits of mom guilt here and there, but we are fully capable of pulling one another out of it. This is me reaching out… offers on the table. Let’s be friends and beat mom guilt for good.

Thanks for reading! Please share this post with a mama who needs it. Lord knows we all need to feel support and encouragement while raising good humans! It takes a village, and I’d sure love to be a part of yours.

xoxo – Haley